Good grief.. (Shitblog AWARDS 2006 Update)

Folks,

Every now and then you come across someone with barely enough brains to fill a midget's thimble and an overinflated sense of self worth that you have to wonder if two consenting adults actually had sex to produce the abovementioned offspring, or whether it was a bad accident involving alcohol, sheep and torn rubber. Ever since I posted the call for blog entries deserving the unique title "SHITBLOG AWARDS 2006" I have received numerous replies, each with a blog of such enormous levels of sucktitude that it would make you realise that Armageddon is at hand, the Devil rules the world, that the end of the world is near, or at least you would start to wish it was.

Now nominations are still open (results to be released on New Year Day 2006) so I won't give away any secrets. I'll just post a few random entries below from some of the contenders for this great prize.

This one would do well in a category for those who think that the world gives a shit about their boring lives, when I for one would rather see them under the wheels of a large, fast moving automobile.

i hate drippy nose.

been having a terribly drippy nose the whole day. it's startin to freak me out. like, honestly, do i have so much runny mucus in me!?

ok that gross thing aside.
im a tad peeved that i cant run with cheryl or meet her cos of my DRIPPY NOSE.

These are the kind that post every instant messenger conversation they have with every known congenital idiot they call their "friend", and the one thing they all share in common is the solitary brain cell that tells them not to shit themselves and eat at the same time. This is the kind that takes every personality test ever devised by a remnant of a failed lobotomy in order to put some semblance of meaning to their vacuous things they call lives.

Another potential awardee for "Person you wouldn't want your daughter to breed with":

Well i am known as prem.. as u see my heading...i am a bastard with an attitude...neva was 1...now am 1..u got a prob with that? hmmm sorry don give two shits about it...i was born on the unfaithful day 23 of May...biggest mistake my parents did...wat i like? u gotta find that out urself...i am doing my Dip in IT which i have not be attending properly...and i am now a Tattooist...so thats it...

And on this site there were multiple squeals by (possibly) inbred chicks to "update" his blog with more inanities about how he got attacked by cockroaches (we're not dealing with a physics major here, folks), how his friend (on the way to some stupid Indian club) got her phone snatched, how his equally brain-dead sister lives... Who the hell reads this stuff? Apparently there are, because looking at his message board I found at least three different "requests" to update his blog. Holy shit.

From this genius' site I couldn't help but click on one of his links and let me post you the third sample. People, we are fucked if this is what we glorify.

It is time that I did some soul Searching after a long time...Somehow or rather my conscience was killing me and had been asking me Questions like....".."

"How come you became so evil?"
"How did your heart become stone?"
"What made you change into someone you are now?"
"What happened to you?"
"Where is your social awareness?"
"Where had your heart of helping others gone to?"

Holy shit. And I thought this kind of stuff usually are found in teenage angst diaries just before the wrists are slit. This woman is studying in one of Singapore's local universities. If that does not make your skin crawl, I don't know what does.

However I will let you all in on one award nominee that is certain to win SOMETHING:

dey call me shamini.m old enuff to enter da koolest club in town.i lub ma frenz to bitz. n this is ma personal bloggiez. so wadeva i write here is based on ma personal perspectives. whetha its stewpid .. smart .. flatterin .. insultin ..rite or wrong.. those r ma ways of seeing da world.

Was that english?! Below is a snippet of a conversation with a boyfriend who would find rather gainful employment making little rocks out of big ones.. with his head.

so the first question.

Me: baby if i asked u to describe me in one sentence. what wld it be?
Him: one sentence ah...
Me: ya..
Him: contradictive ..but someone who has a heart of gold..

OOH how fucking profound. That last line sounded like something straight out of a padded cell.

Wait, there is more.

the third question.
Me: in one paragraph?
Him: ... (its gettin into him. LOl.)
Me: 4 sentences only la *vulgar word censored*
Him: baby..thought sometimes..it can be hard understanding u..cos u tend to come up with things at da oddest of times..but i cant deny how much ..diff u hve made to my life..im living a rebirth babygal..n its thanks to u..ur 20 yrs old.but a child nonetheless..u care ..love ..n pamper me like im ur child..though u bite,pinch n violate me .sigh..ur my chella kutty..baby sayang..hot sexy ass..princess ..

I hope you weren't eating anything. I have seen romantic lines, and mushy ones but what the hell that was apart from purest of pure, vile bullshit?! From a guy who is more than 20 years old at the last count so even the annoying teenager excuse is gone. Oh humanity, I weep for thee, if this is your best and brightest! This guy is so bitchslapped that he doesn't even know how to string a coherent sentence, I suppose. Another pussywhipped, stupid pseudo-sensitive male that somehow escaped a combine harvester, porking a whining, bitch-cunt of a female with a half volt brain.

You know what? I bet they would go on and breed to produce more waterheaded babies that would end up fucking each other before they're 12 to produce more inbred spawn to screw the world over a few times more. This is just what we need. Dumb people meeting more dumb people and mating with them.

You know folks, what is the scariest feature of these entries? These are people who are at least in their 20's! They're not angst filled teens nor are they annoying prepubescents but actually well into adulthood and maturity. These are people whom we trust motorised vehicles, alcohol and pornography to. We truly are fucked.

Nominations are still open. Send them to Shitblogawards@yahoo.com or just leave a comment on this site.