We the Truly Fucked

Folks,

It's National Day in Sunny Singapore! Such a wonderful, glorious day for this young, brave city state! The buntings are up, the streamers are flying, and thankfully Lee the Son avoided another embarrassment in the international scene after shitting all over himself in New Zealand.

Singapore celebrated forty one years of independence, and boy was there a party!

In fact the fun had started a few weeks before the special day itself, when it was announced that incomes for the bottom ten percent fell from a pathetic $539 in 1999 to $471. Five hundred bucks won't even get you a decent refrigerator carton to live in in Singapore. Sure, the overall wages per family grew from $3000 to about 5000 in a decade, but the bottom 20% have actually seen their incomes fall with the bottom ten the most affected. What does the great government of Singapore attribute it to? Bad economic policies of suppressing local entrepreneurship? Bad education system that spews out automatons who are increasingly out-of-place in a global economy? A strangely dysfunctional social security net that you can't touch when you need it the most? Of course not! They would rather cut off their own (vestigial) testicles than admit that. They decide to attribute to the economic crisis that occurred 10 years ago. Yup. I wish I was making this part up. So when Singapore does something well, it's thanks to the "incorruptible, visionary, forward looking, meritocratic" government. But when things screw up it's those "damn foreign nations around us who screw us over". Don't you dare even think that the government is responsible in some way! Shut up and enjoy the parade. Your government is in control.

After the hangover from that party wore off, came the next mega-celebration. The government decided to give lots of money away to our hardworking bus, taxi and train company owners who have to engage in the physically and mentally draining tasks of conducting meetings, coming up with mission statements and customer satisfaction surveys on top of their normal duties of making sure their damned trains run on time and not making people wait ten minutes for one at 8am in the morning. Those poor millionaires need to finance their next Lamborghinis you know. We can't have them taking loans! What will the world think of Singaporeans then?! And.. and.. Singapore has a world-class transport system! You have to be a fool and/or a communist to think otherwise, and if you ever say it out, we will sue you for every damned penny you got! Anyway, so we have to give them more money so there is only one way to do it:Welcome, rolling price hikes! Price hikes for EVERYBODY! We're really having fun now! Pardon me while I go drown my sorrows, I mean, toast this joyous occasion with a huge double shot of Jack Daniel's Whiskey.

And that is not all, people. The government has decided that Singapore is going to be a Sports Hub! The silly old National Stadium is going to be torn down to be turned into a "Sports Hub", despite the fact that Singapore is a major world player in exactly ZERO sports. The one sport we are somewhat credible in (as in we don't have to import players from China to finish last, we finish last on our own efforts), sailing, cannot be practiced on land, no matter how many sports hubs are built. But the government says, we need that hub, and more importantly, we need your tax money to build it. What is a sports hub? Why you silly fool, don't you know what it is? It's a.. well.. place.. ooh look at the NDP fireworks! Aren't they pretty? There. Don't say the government never did anything for you you ingrate.

Happy National Day Singaporeans. If this is how your government celebrates I am afraid too much partying is not good for your health.