Second Letter of St. Hades to the Dumbfucks

1. This is the second letter of Hades, to the dumbfucks.

2. Hades, guided by the love of Mike speaketh gently to thee, who insist on being Mike's soldiers but doth have no fucking clue about anything.

3. So shut the fuck up and listen to the gentle words of Hades for he doth speak very slowly so even thy tiny brains can grasp what he doth sayeth.

4. Thou doth realise, don't thou, that thine words do have power, and thou havest done Mike grave injustice by using them to spread nothing but bigotry and ignorance. Thou art indeed cursed for whatever thou sayest is corrupted, and thou doth make Mike sick as fuck to hear thee spout such vile horseshit like 'God hates fags'.

5. Fuck thee. For Mike certainly doth NOT hate anyone.

6. Even thou who doth go about and show thine ass to the world in his name.

7. While thou sitteth on thine ass on thy LaZ Boys and spend all of God given day watching some fucking insipid football game, they whom thou calleth 'fags' actually go out and enjoy my gift of nature to them by working out, running and generally having a good time.

8. Thou sitteth thine ass all the time in front of the tube and doth eat piles of chicken wings and beef jerky and thou doth grow big as a fucking house, and thou haveth disgusting table manners even Mike findeth repulsive.

9. But behold, how well manicured they are! Truly they doth know the benefits of showering and not smelling like three day old rancid dog turds.

10. And verily are they intelligent and smart, and unlike thine ignorant ass, can recognise more than sixteen colours.

11. And thou doth burn with envy, and it burns thine ass that they are real men, while thou art but a sad pathetic waste of protoplasm whose only function in life is to turn beer to piss.

12. And since thou art married to a fucked up docile cow as screwed in the head as thou art, thou canst only take out thine frustration on them because they art happy with their mates, while thou haveth to put up with thine woman's oversized butt and thy inbred spawn doth drive thee insane.

13. And thou doth take it out on them, calling them names and indeed behaving like an all-round fuckstick.

14. Verily Mike doth command you to leave them the fuck alone, and thou needeth not be so fucking insecure for thou haveth a small member, thine woman doth find it suitable for her needs.

15. And they do not want your kids to be like them, for indeed thine kids are a fruit of thine own fucked up genes and no sane human being would want them for anything apart from using their heads to crack open hard objects.

16. For thou doth breedeth like there is no tomorrow. Thou cannot handle a real woman and thou doth rut with women with IQ's of the bean of the garbanzo variety.

17. For verily, thou indeed doth deserve a fat, spittle lipped cow because only then canst thou exercise thine supremacy over them.

19. Thou Fool! Doth thou think that thou really art superior to woman? Thou art given certain gifts like superior strength and an analytical, rational brain, but if thou doth think for one second that that somehow giveth thee the right to think thou art superior, then indeed thou shalt get a whiny, insecure bitch as thine wife. And she shalt indeed lay with thee every night and bear thee hundreds of waterheaded spawn, and thou shalt indeed offer them to thine god, Satan.

20. And thou shalt indeed commit adultery and get thine ass divorced multiple times, all the while lamenting that it's the gays who are 'threatening marriage'

21. For thine brain hath indeed lost its function to think, and thou doth leave the thinking to thine shaman who doth fill thine mind with such lies and untruths whispered into his ear by the Deceiver.

22. For Mike certainly doth not put man at the head of the house and in fact would rather have woman lead thine ignorant ass around.

23. For thou art too stupid to walk about unsupervised.

Chapter 2.

1. And the lesbians shalt thou leave alone.

2. Verily thou dost not understand, 'it is none of thy business what a man or a woman chooseth to do with his or her body.

3. Thine brains are incapable of understanding that Mike did give thee the ability to think so thou shalt indeed have freedom to make choices.

4. So thou doth rebel against anyone who doth not conform to thine fucked, tiny walled world view that thine shaman drills into thee every Sunday when thou goeth to his vile place of worship.

5. For verily doth not find a confident, mature woman fearsome? Doth thou not find solace in the fact that thine woman is an insecure, spittle-lipped cow who doth think her only purpose on earth is to produce waterheaded offspring for thee?

6. And indeed thou doth realise that thou art not as good as thou thought and that thine prowesses with the drill of power and the stepping ladder art but overrated and thine staff is indeed unreliable in bed.

7. Thou shalt not harass women for wanting to be with other women, for verily who understandeth women but women? Even Mike can't figure them out for fuck's sake. But Mike can certainly figure out why after meeting thee, women rather be with women, for thine habits are disgusting and thou doth want to control women while having no idea what maketh them tick.

8. Doth not the sight of a strong, successful woman fill thee with dread? Verily thou dost realise that anything thou canst do, the woman can as well and often, better.

9. If muff diving is indeed their pastime, then thou shalt not call them all sorts of vile names to hide thine insecurities.

10. For indeed, they art not going to be sent to hell, for Mike doth love his creation.

11. Especially two willing women willing to do the dirty with each other.

12. For the acts of willing individuals doth please Mike, and he doth think that thou art indeed a hole of an ass if thou thinketh that thy holier than thou attitude winneth any favours with Mike.

13. Mike indeed doth wish you leave these people alone.

Chapter 3

1. So shut the fuck up and quit picketing gay organisations.

2. Did not Jesus say, 'judge not, lest ye be judged?"

3. And if thou truly doth love Jesus, thou shalt listen to him and not thy shaman.

4. And remember, that if thou doth love Jesus, thou art indeed, a little bit gay.

5. For verily did not Jesus ask thee to take his body and put it in thy mouth and did thou not obey him every Sunday?

6. And how doth thou explain the fact that Jesus did renounce his family for twelve burly men who thought him a god? (TM thewaronfaith.com)

7. If for one second thou thinketh that Mike condoneth hypocrisy, thou haveth another thing coming.

8. Remember thou that Mike doth think that there are too many of thee, and if thou insisteth on killing abortion doctors and saving the unborn then why the fuck doth thou not support gays and lesbians? For verily, they are the last people to have abortions.

9. See fool? How thine hypocrisy is laid bare for everyone to see with such ease?

10. If thou doth persist in such fuckstickery, thou shalt win brownie points with thy blood god, but Mike shalt cast thee away from him, for thou knew him not, and thou doth not love thine fellow man, or woman.

11. And thine blood-god shalt indeed rejoice for he has many more acolytes to do his bidding, and he shalt indeed torture thee for sport.

12. And thou shalt deserve it for thou art a fucked up piece of shit.