Folks,
Yes, Welcome me back you fucking douchebags because I am pissed off. Why am I pissed off? A friend of mine said, and I quote, "I would kill for a caramel macchiato" and that one sentence encapsulated what the fuck is wrong with us. That is why I am pissed off.
First off, what the fuck is a 'caramel macchiato'? Isn't this crap just another example of overpriced, over-flavoured, diabetes-inducing sugar laden, distilled bovine diarrhoea from the evil Starbucks?
Caramel macchiato, blended cream raspberry frappuccino, honey dew ice blended.. what the fuck is this noise? Do we need ten different kinds of artificially sweetened, overpriced sewage refuse to fuck up our systems? Doesn't anyone just drink a fucking cup of coffee anymore? Why must the flavour and aroma of good coffee be hidden and covered up under a cupload of shit and a pretentious italian nickname? Fuck, and people comment that drinking beer is bad for me, usually right after downing cup after cup of industrial waste that would turn their organs into liquid shit before they turn 30.
These products exist because of upper-middle-class, snooty, self-important cocksuckers whose idea of good taste and culture is somehow linked to drinking mass produced pseudo-italian beverages made by pimply faced teenaged high-school dropouts with IQ's of bratwurst for a company that continues to shaft some piss poor plantation worker in Guatemala while running of with billions in profits. What other reason can there be for swilling ten different kinds of rancid, violently coloured dog-piss while talking about some inane nonissue about who is the next Singapore Idol. Fuck them. Fuck them up their asses with giant steel dildos.
Haven't we had about enough of these fucks? If these people didn't exist, we wouldn't have companies like Starbucks poisoning us with their vile crap. They have succeeded in glorifying blandness and banal mediocrity, producing some toxic sludge that they call a 'hazelnut latte', which always tastes like caulking compound, regardless of which country's starfucks you drink it out of. Bland, over-sweetened, taste-bud-numbing cup of toxic waste at $5 anyone? Who the fuck drinks this crap? Oh that's right, we don't have much choice considering all other places that served decent coffee have all been assimilated by the borg, leaving me to choose between ten kinds of diluted rat's piss.
Don't get me wrong. I love fine coffee, but what the fuck does the fucking 'barista' of Starbucks know about coffee anyway? What on earth would some double-digit IQ having, minimum wage earning cretinous waterheaded spawn of corporate whoring parents know about good coffee making? About the same as what McDonald's patty tossers know about foie gras. So isn't it about time someone started executing some of these snooty motherfuckers who encourage this crap? Kill the fuckers who actually enjoy drinking bile like this and who actually encourage this shit. Let's save good coffee from Starbucks already.
As if these corporate pigswill weren't guilty enough, they hide their plundering behind cute sounding terms like 'Fair Trade Coffee' which basically means paying that poor schmuck in Ethiopia enough to just have enough food in his stomach to produce more coffee for these fucks to steal and charging you more for it. 'Fair trade' my left fucking testicle. When was the last time you saw a millionaire Somalian coffee grower? Or a very well to do Brazilian coffee plantation worker? Meanwhile, Starfucks and other faceless corporations continue to make a killing by shafting both the farmer and the middlemen in the name of 'fair trade'. Furthermore, why isn't ALL their coffee 'Fair Trade'? Are they trying to say that there is no way they can give the farmers a fair share without charging you more for it? If you're fucking dumb enough believe that and buy that crap, you show how fucking moronic you are and I hope the coffee you bought is poisoned with arsenic, just out of spite.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
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2 comments:
Maybe you should think about issues before you rant about them. The fact is Starbucks sells good coffee, regardless of your opinion. If their coffee did taste like the crap you described nobody would buy it. The only way Starbucks, or any other company for that matter, makes any money is by by suiting the consumer in the best way possible. This makes their consumers happier and their stock holders and employees. Nobody looses not even, as I will prove, the guatemalan coffee grower. The guatamalen coffee grower chooses to sell to starbucks because starbucks offers him the highest price for his coffee, a few cents a unit above whoever else. If Starbucks offered a farmer $5 a unit for coffee, as opposed to $3 a unit for coffee, the extra $2 a unit is passed on to consumers who would gladly walk across the street to the Ma and Pa shop that sells cheaper coffee by buying their coffee from someone who bought it from the same guatamalen for $3 a unit. Starbucks would not become so popular, and the guatamalen would be stuck selling his coffee at $3 a unit. Not only that, IF starbucks suddenly offered to buy coffee at $5 a unit, there would be a reverse shortage. The demand would be unequal to supply and guatamalens would litterally fight for starbucks' business, just as Americans faught and still fight for Nintendo Wiis, but unlike a wii, you can't just pry a contract out of someone's hand and run for the register. Organized crime would befall the Guatamalen coffee industry. Also, it doesn't actually encourage economic growth. The same amount of goods and services are being produced by that country whether the country is being paid $3 or $5. This causes inflation similar (but at a smaller scale) to that of countries who decided that simply printing more money and higher bills was a good idea, so although THAT farmer might be better off, the rest of the country would have to pay the difference.
As for your outlandish claims about its toxicity, there is no reason to believe that starbucks coffee is any more harmful than anyone else's coffee. The rather picky FDA certainly deems their coffee safe to drink. In fact, coffee itself is more harmful than the sugars cremes and other additives that starbucks uses more than other coffee shops, so if anything their coffee is healthier, unless you're fat (which the typical coffee drinker isn't). BTW I don't drink coffee. If you still think starbucks is evil, don't blame them, blame the consumers.
Dude, attend a course in Sarcasm 101.
If you still think starbucks is evil, don't blame them, blame the consumers.
And a course on Elementary Reading 101. Who the fuck did you think I was blaming?
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