Mike Commemorates the Evil Atheist

Folks,

For my 100th post, as a reward for all you fans out there who read this shit, (yes, all three of you), I have let Mike take over this entry, so speak through me Mike!

Good day to you people, this is Mike. You know me as Jesus, Allah, Krishna, Ahura Mazda, or any multitude of names, but I would rather be called something simple, like "Mike" or anything, really. I like to keep informal house.

Anyway, I have appeared often on this site, and as a personal favour for my favour to my friend and prophet, Hades, I have come again to give you a distilled synopsis of my wisdom, stuff that even the smelliest lowlife amongst you can understand. I also want to get a couple of things off my divine chest (not this), and one them is this: I don't exist. No really, I don't. You're asking then, "how the fuck is he able to write an entry on the Evil Atheist website?", ah that is the glory of Mike. I leave it to you to figure it out.

Secondly, I don't answer prayers. There was a time when I gave a shit but nowadays there are six fucking billion of you asking me everything from being blown by Janet Jacme to keeping it hard till you stick it in some airheaded cunt I couldn't give two shits about. You really think I want to hear that shit? I have feelings too you know and I don't need to know how long you want it to be or how long you want it to last, and I am referring to YOU, Mr. Lee Hsien Loong! I am aghast you're even thinking of getting it on with that man-woman of yours you call a wife! Christ, she'd make a dildo go limp. Keep your fucking sordid fantasies to yourselves.

In fact now I wish you people answer a prayer of mine, STOP FUCKING BREEDING! I am already having my hands full steering a planet away from the fucking apocalypse here, and your fucking little bundles of joy are not making any easier for me, you know. You fucking Catholics better get on with the fucking programme, and get your asses out of the fucking middle ages. Contraception works you fuckers, because I invented it. Yes, I Mike in all my infinite wisdom invented a tool so simple, yet so effective, an idiot could use it; a condom. It is not a fucking sin to put a bit of rubber on your dick, and anyone who tells you otherwise, is a fucking fool.

Speaking of sin, there isn't such a thing. Nope. No such thing as sin. Believe me, if I came up with such a concept, the biggest "sin" would be stupidity, and I would have just pack the whole lot of you into fucking Hell. But no, I love you motherfuckers, even those mouthbreathers amongst you who pray over a sick kid instead of taking her to a fucking doctor, so there is no "sin", there is no "heaven" nor is there "hell", but I do have some plans for some of you fucks when you pop your clogs. I am looking at you, priests who fuck around with altar boys.

I want to leave you all with a final message that I passed down to an earlier prophet, George Carlin. I even had JESUS fucking deliver it to him and you all still didn't get it, so here I go again. Do NOT give money to your churches. If anything, they must be giving money to you for showing up for that kind of personal abuse.

I am Mike, and I have spoken. Glory be to the name of Mike.