Back!

After a long hiatus, the Evil Atheist is back!

Entertainment Singapore Style

Damn, I turn my back on you fucks for a week, and guess what, so much shit happens. Today's edition is going to be my take on a few things that have been happening in Singapore.

First up, gay relief teacher who got his ass handed to him by the Ministry of Education demands an explanation on why he was unfairly canned. Ministry's response was simple: Hey, he's gay so he should be used to being fucked in the ass, or words to that effect. Alfian was a teacher in a nondescript secondary school and was apparently a very good teacher at that. He was also a top student with outstanding results for his A levels. He applied to be a relief teacher and got the fucking job. No problems there, right? Right... A few months later, the Ministry sends him a nicely worded letter saying "get the fuck out, douchebag. We don't want your kind here". Naturally Alfian got pissed and asked for an explanation, and he got one.

Now folks, whoever drafted that letter ought to be in charge of the space programme. That man has a gift.

the Ministry of Education sets stringent criteria in the recruitment of relief teachers. This is understandably so when we strive to achieve a high standard in Education. With keen competition, this Ministry has an arduous task of considering each applicant based on several factors. MOE needs to determine which applicants most appropriately meet its organisational needs. In the registering of relief teachers, we look at each applicant in view of the specific requirements of the Ministry at the time, considering each application as a whole, on its own merit. While many capable candidates apply every year, only those that best meet the organisation's requirements will be considered for appointment.

Yeeeeaaaaaahhhh right. Folks, even IF all that meant something, let's look at some of the people that make it through these 'stringent criteria' for recruitment of teachers:


Outings, sleepovers after basketball practice (ST Nov 29, 2006)
Teacher is suspended by the primary school in June this year and appeared in court yesterday on three molestation charges.'Adam said they would be out till quite late at night and sometimes they would stay over at the teacher's place.' - Principal of Adam's secondary school, on outings after basketball practices in Adam's primary school
Boy tells court how accused taught him... DIRTY LESSONS
+ Teacher allegedly makes him watch porn video in bedroom
+ Then he shocks boy by performing sexual act

Teacher at boys' school charged with molesting students (ST Dec 5, 2005)
He faces 19 charges; alleged offences took place over 4 years
A 33-YEAR-OLD secondary school teacher was yesterday charged in court with molesting and committing lewd acts with seven students.

ST 25 May 2001
A teacher with St Andrew's Junior College has gone missing with S$63,500 from the school's co-operative society, and may already have left the country. The mathematics teacher, an expatriate from Hongkong in his early 40s, joined the school about a year ago.

ST 20 May 2001
In a three-day trial last week, a district court heard that Lam Peng Kwan, 59, a private tutor and former teacher at Tanjong Katong Girls' School, asked a 16-year-old girl to lift up the skirt of her school uniform so that he could point out her private parts. She said he also used his hands to rub her stomach. Lam, whose book, Comprehensive Biology - For O-Level Science, is still being used in schools, is also accused of touching the girl's private parts. The court will give its verdict on 22 Jun 2001. (Note from Hades: Yes folks, its the same Lam Peng Kwan whose text books are considered like a Bible for O Level Biology, good job you fucking senile perv).

ST 8 Apr 2001
A teacher who allegedly molested two primary school pupils was charged in a district court on 7 Apr 2001. Gilbert Chee Boon San, 32, is also accused of forcing another pupil from the same school to sit on his lap. The three pupils, all girls, were 12 years old at the time of the alleged offences at a school in the north-west of Singapore. No plea was recorded from Chee.


Rigourous my ass.

I leave the criticism of the letter itself to people who have that kind of time, but having known MOE for so long I am not surprised. What surprises me is the response this letter got. There was huge speculation on whether the guy got canned because he took it up the ass or because his skin was the wrong shade of yellow. Folks, that's missing the point. The bigger issue you SHOULD be asking is why the secrecy? The ministry of education is NOT a private organisation. It is accountable to everyone of you. That doesn't mean of course that the ministry should provide detailed reports on every hiring and firing it does, but WHEN QUESTIONED it has to reveal why it did what it did and not hide behind bullshit phrases like they are 'acceptable HR policies'. Acceptable to whom? Certainly they weren't acceptable to Alfian and from what we read a LOT of other people.

Singaporeans, these people are NOT YOUR MASTERS, they are your SERVANTS. Demand accountability dammit.

Anyway, in other news, the Father does it AGAIN. Yep.

You know, when they sent him to Russia, they should have just lost him somewhere in the fucking Siberian desert.

He had this gem to say to the Russian journalist: For instance, India and China have underdeveloped people; they have no trained scientists and engineers in the numbers required, but the Russians have always had that. They pioneered their way into space".

Like fucking Singapore has that many scientists. The fuck has pionnering space have to do with sustainable economic development?! This fucker is so damn anecdotal it would be funny if he wasn't so respected here. He loves to generalise single events with no regard to context. Fuck, I never got my dick caught in a zipper so I deserve to be awarded a fucking Nobel.. The Fuck?! Of course the fucking Russians could pioneer space. They let the fucking rest of the country starve just so they could send a fucking basketball in orbit first, you drooling douche! The only reason Russia is not a fucking backwater waste of land is oil, pure and simple. O fucking I fucking L. Let's see shall we, if this shitbag's argument that India and China don't have enough scientists stand:

1> THE FUCKING PRESIDENT OF INDIA is a fucking scientist. This man pioneered the fucking nuclear programme in the country. Singapore's own Tony Tan probably pioneered a buttscratcher (TM Family Guy).

2> HALF OF FUCKING NUS is filled with professors from China and India.

3> Fucking NUS set up colleges in Bangalore and Shanghai. The fuck would they do that if India and China had "underdeveloped people".

4> What the FUCK is an underdeveloped people? People with a major appendages missing? I suppose he's been looking at his own parliament too long. Those men and women lost their genitals to him a long time ago.

Since when did scientific innovation depend on numbers of scientists? The Father thinks that innovation can be mass produced, typical thinking from the man, and that more scientists = more innovation, which of course is bullshit. Just ask all those professors sitting with their thumbs up their asses in the Biopolis.

Why the fuck does anyone take this man seriously is a wonder. He has all the mannerisms of a schoolyard bully and the argument-sophistication of a 10 year old. What right does he think he have to advise a country of Russia's size about economics just because he managed to turn an already prosperous city into a reasonably well-off, compliant, non-creative boring little city? Stick to what you know, old man and stop making Singaporeans look like complete arrogant fuckwads.

Gay Buttsex - Oh Good Lord NO!

Ah, Yvonne Lee, noted lawyer and lecturer in the National University of Singapore hates butt-sex. No really, she does. The concept of a big (or small) shlong sliding in and out of someone's bunghole really gets in her craw. That is the only explanation I can come up with why she is against homosexuality.

Let me point out that I agree with her totally. I hate buttsex too. The very thought of having a cucumber-sized (or even lima bean sized) body appendage thrust painfully up my nether regions makes me wince. My asshole is made for one-way traffic, not two. Things go out, not in. It is a unidirectional production line in the value chain of life. I rather would die of prostate cancer than have some doctor stick a rubberised glove up my poop-chute, really.

Which is why I have a perfect solution to the problem, not to have buttsex!

Now if only Yvonne Lee would think up that. I mean come on, the woman is a fucking professor in Singapore's premier university. Surely a solution like that is not that complicated?! If she doesn't like butt-sex, she can just choose not to have it.

Instead of which she chooses the ridiculous alternative: Supporting the criminalization of ALL homosexual activity, regardless of whether dongs or or fingers are involved. She is even against the concept of a man holding hands with another man in public.

Yvonne mentioned that It is a known medical fact that homosexual intercourse or sodomy is an inherently unhealthy act that carries higher risks of a number of sexually transmitted infections. The law should not facilitate acts which threaten public health.

Doesn't that mean that ALL forms of buggery should be banned, homosexual or otherwise? Is Yvonne willing to break into the house of the otherwise "well adjusted" civil servant doing the dirty to his wife's poopchute and slap the irons on his errant penis? Is she willing to speak out on the evils of anal violation to groups of teenagers far too willing to experiment with their sexuality? Hell for all she knows, her own kids engage in all sorts of vile sexual activities that include at some point a trip up the chocolate factory anyway. Is she willing to be our moral crusader?

[MINOR DIGRESSION OF SORTS]
You know what, this gives me an idea. Singapore had the Courtesy Lion as a mascot for courtesy, and it's high time we got a new mascot for something. Let us have a mascot banning buttsex! Let's call him (has to be a him, for we know only filthy gays engage in dirty buttsex no?) Bungno! He can be a multireligious, multiracial parrot that speaks out against Butt-piracy! A parrot against piracy, how fucking brilliant is that?! Hell I have even found an image of the fucking mascot here: http://www.anchoragebucs.com/parrotsm.gif (Apparently it belongs to some baseball team but fuck them Yanks, this is a national emergency).

He can use his baseball bat of righteousness to smash up all those filthy butt-sexers. Praise fucking Jesus!

[END OF MINOR DIGRESSION OF SORTS]

Anyway all that aside, I am wondering what really does this woman have against gays. I mean, how does decriminalising something like homosexuality "ignores the nature of Singapore's multireligious, multiracial community." What the fuck has buggering gay sex have to do with race?! I never understood this about the Singaporean elite. why do they ALWAYS have to bring race into any issue? Singapore is not the only fucking multiracial, multireligious city, shithoses. Most cosmopolitan cities are far more multiracial and multireligious than Singapore will ever be.

What the fuck has this to do with religion as well? Hey, Singapore allows gambling, which is against the principles of religion, it allows fucking prostitution to be carried out and even taxes it, and those are fine, but two consenting adult males or females doing the dirty in a seedy motel in Geylang suddenly has her moralising panties in a twist?

Furthermore, she says therefore, the attention given to fundamental moral values of the majority of citizens by retaining S377A (the act criminaling homosexuality) in its entirety strikes the right balance.

What moral values of the majority of citizens? How the fuck does she know what the majority are thinking? What happened to this same majority who opposed the setting up of casinos here? What happened to this same majority who didn't give a rat's dick about the World Bank having its conferences here?

You know for someone who hates anal violation she seems to be enjoying the idea of shitting on herself, as is evident from this paragraph. Warning, the logical fallacies will cause your penises to shrink, your brains to explode and cause you to suddenly want to have sex with Lisa Minelli.

Ready? Here goes: While the law embodies a moral judgment, it is not always prudent for the law to punish all immoral behaviour. However, to draw an analogy between adulterers and homosexuals is fallacious. Adulterers do not seek societal approval, but certain homosexual activists campaign to alter the public mindset and to gain legal and social endorsement of the gay lifestyle.

There.. Don't say I didn't warn you. So certain homosexual activists campaign to gain legal and social endorsement of the gay lifestyle, as she claims. Even IF that was true (although most just want to have hot gay lubed buttplugging in bathtubs in colour co-ordinated bathrooms or something), EVEN IF (Oh what a big if!) that was the "gay agenda", and let us assume it is. I have a four word question. Yeah? And? So? What?!

So WHAT if they seek legal and social endorsement? How does that change anything about the fact that most of us still would rather fuck chicks? How does legal endorsement of their lifestyle change the fact that I still want to do the dirty with the hot babe from CMU I met on the street eight weekends ago? How does decriminalising anal porkage change the fact that most men still would rather fuck pussies, thank you very much? She seems to claim that just because buttsexing between men is legal, suddenly we all would want to do each other's assholes and that is oh so fucking wrong because, well because... oh because it's wrong dammit! Shut up and fuck your wife missionary, like a good Singaporean man should, and produce more kids already!

Or, it's about the children, I hear you say. Well, fuck the children. They are smart enough to know which team they want to play for. Let's give them a bit more credit, shall we? If they are so easily influenced, I have a suggestion. Let's influence them to play with sharp, burning electrical objects as well. Our genepool needs the Chlorox anyway.

According to her professorial world view, adultery should not be criminalised although it often destroys families and ruins lives but two men plugging away at each others' anal orifices is somehow wrong? This woman is a law lecturer in a university, and it is telling about the quality of graduates they produce there. You know I agree with her views on buttsex totally for one more reason. After all, that is where NUS law graduates come from.

The Online Citizen

Folks,

As you are aware, I almost NEVER post links to other blogs on my site, but this is one site I think deserves mention on the Evil Atheist.

The Online Citizen was started by a member of one of Singapore's opposition parties and unlike the Evil Atheist, posts pretty much regularly in language that you can use on your 8 year old daughter or 80 year old grandma. Also unlike the Evil Atheist, the guy who runs the Online Citizen seems pretty much normal and friendly and does not write like someone who is in serious need of powerful medication. I don't know him and probably never will, but he seems like a nice enough guy from his site. While the Evil Atheist would rather a few choice insults be thrown at the general direction of the Building Across Boat Quay, the Online Citizen prefers a far more amicable and friendly approach. The views of the writers there are far more balanced, and although a bit too "tame" for the Evil Atheist's tastes, the site is completely free of tasteless dick jokes and cracks about the Son's testicles being locked up in a jade box on top of his wife's mantelpiece. All of this is in a very readable and navigable format.

Also unlike the Evil Atheist, the focus of the site is pretty much geared to local politics, so if you want to hear about how the poor continued to get shafted by bullshit phrases like "Workfare" while the mandarins run off with their millions, you should read the Online Citizen. The site also has very extensive archives about every significant political event in Singapore and generally adopts a balanced approach to them, while the Evil Atheist prefers to talk about how Chee Soon Juan is bleeding rectally.

If you want extensive coverage of local politics, by all means visit The Online Citizen at http://theonlinecitizen.com. If you want to find out more ways of making fun of the manhoods of The Father and The Son and the First FamiLee, then by all means come to visit the Evil Atheist. You'll know where to find him.

So spend a few minutes reading their stuff. Don't say I never did anything for you assholes.

Oh and by the way, the owner of The Online Citizen did not bribe me with pouting nymphettes with baby oil, nor did he threaten me with ritual disembowelment with a chicken foot. In fact, the poor fuck probably doesn't even know I wrote this. It's just my way of bringing some education to the mindless drooling pervs who still come here looking for pics of Pamela Anderson fucking sheep or Paris Hilton putting a large aubergine up her mudcave (I really wish I was making these up). If you don't believe me, click on the site meter at the top of this site and see the referrals.

The Father shits his pants... Again

Sigh, this has become an embarrassment. The man is starting to become a laughing stock and the sooner we shut him up, the better Singaporeans will look.

You know you're in trouble when a Singaporean tells you "From now on I am telling everyone I am Malaysian".

In a parliamentary debate (oh shock! We still have those things!) the Father was challenged (yes, apparently one of the chumps there found his testicles that day). In a debate that he will not forget in a hurry, he was asked what was the need for paying him and his ilk US$2 million a year when all he probably did these days was try not to eat and drool at the same time. The Son already draws said paycheque and well, with Singaporeans still nowhere near the "Swiss" standard of living promised in 1995, there were enough MP's with the gumption to challenge the Father and Son on drawing more money than the President of the US, and the Prime Ministers of the UK, Australia and Hong Kong combined. While he was asking that, he might have also questioned the wisdom of paying RETIRED ministers a million a year but let's not expect too much from these beauties in Parliament. It is hard to ask questions when your lips are jousting for place on the bottoms of the Father and the Son. Even asking a question of this sort requires a class of courage not often seen in those hallowed halls.

The Father's response was as usual acerbic, sharp, precise, and completely irrelevant. Apart from pissing off Europe and the rest of the region, it showed an abysmal failure to grasp basics of logic and proved to me that indeed, the Father was starting to experience a second childhood, with simple ideas and simple thoughts clouding his little brain.

The MP's question was short enough: He questioned the need for such high salaries for ministers and top civil servants to prevent corruption. He said Singapore ranked below Finland, Denmark and Switzerland, in a UN report on how corrupt a country is, but these countries pay their top civil servants less than Singapore.

Not a very smart way of putting it, you say? Too timid you think? Well I am sure the poor man was already quaking in his boots when he tabled the question, and tried to sugar coat it as much as possible.

But all that was lost on the Father. He responded with his usual candour and "wit" thus: Does he realise that Singapore's GDP is only one-third of its external trade? Our external trade is 3 1/2 times that of our GDP, higher than Hong Kong. And if this economy ever falters, that's the end of Singapore and its First World status. Denmark, Switzerland and Finland are part of Europe. You can fail and you're still caught in the European situation. If you fail here, you go back to a Southeast Asian situation. Just look around you,"

The first thing that came to my mind was "what the FUCK has that got to do with corruption?". The Father seems to think that just by responding like an angry, spoilt brat somehow gives his words more value than they deserve. What on earth does the fact that Singapore's economy is trade centred have to do with ministerial pay and government corruption? The second question that came to my mind was: So WHAT if those countries are in Europe? How can that mean that they can "afford" to fail? Doesn't the All Knowing Father know that Switzerland and Finland are not in the European Union? What the fuck does "Caught in the European situation" mean? And what the fuck was he trying to say by saying " If you fail here, you go back to a Southeast Asian situation. Just look around you"? Just look around me for what?! From what I see, MAlaysia and Indonesia are doing very well economically. Thailand as well, despite being shaken by the tossing out of Thaksin. Vietnam is developing into a regional powerhouse and even fucking Laos is starting to get its act together. I would think "being caught in a Southeast Asian situation" is a good thing no?

"So is the Minister Mentor saying that without paying such a high salary, we are bound to fail? And even if we pay top earners' salary, can the present government bring Singapore up to superpower (status), as what he has mentioned for those in Denmark?" challenged Mr Low, MP for Hougang.

"I am putting a simple question and asking for his clarification. He has compared Singapore as if it were Denmark, Finland or Switzerland. Their systems and governments never produced the kind of transformation that we have, and their system and government have a broader base and can afford a mediocre government," said the Minister Mentor.

Now I am a pretty reasonable man. Let us look at just one instance: Finland, the Poorest of the Three. Finland was ravaged by World War 2, received nothing in return, was run to the ground by commies till 1991 and built the economy back up pretty much from scratch to become an industrialised powerhouse it is today with a GDP per capita of US$40000. Compare that with Singapore, which had a pretty easy post WW2 history, with the Brits providing infrastructure and development, perfect nexus for a port and little or no political turmoil since 1950's (fuck Konfrontasi) and a GDP of US29800. I would say that Finland had a greater transformation, natural resources notwithstanding, than Singapore but the fuck do I know? I am not The Father.

Also, sadly he did not explain what the fuck he meant by "their system and government have a broader base and can afford a mediocre government". Probably the Father was talking about his new toilet fixture, I don't know. How on earth does one conclude that countries like Switzerland, Denmark and Finland have "mediocre" governments when they are doing so well and in fact far better than Singapore, I'll never know.

The Father wants 3 million? I have a revolutionary idea. Let us pay the Father 10 million. Yes, 10 million just so he shuts the fuck up and not make Singaporeans look like complete dickwads to the world. I would consider it money well spent.

Random Acts of Directed Anger Issue 2 - Fuck Emos

Folks,

I know I am flogging a dead horse with this one. I know that I have mentioned that emos have got to go, preferably in a humourous fashion and that I consider them to be a shitstain on the underwear of humanity. We don't need them, and the sooner they die, the better the world will be.

I know I had made that abundantly clear.

But for some reason, like a sore tooth that you can't quit touching (TM Bill Hicks), I have to revisit this topic, especially in light of this article in the Straitjacket Times about emos.

Let me dissect the pieces, if I may. The article says, and I quote:

But the defining trademark for emo kids has to be the heavily lined eyes and long fringed hair which covers half their face.

The point of that, said emo teen Mervyn Lee, 17, a polytechnic student, is because 'we are tortured souls unable to face the world'.

Oh really, you fucking piece-of-cock, dogfucker? You are a tortured soul in what way? Dad refused to get you that fucking Chemical Romance CD you've been pestering him for the past two hours? Your fucking eyeliner ran out? Got your cock caught in the zipper of your fucking emo jeans? Fuck you, you piece of shit. Tortured soul? Bet your ass your soul will be tortured if I had my way. Not only your soul but also your fucking microcephalic skull. You know what? IF you're fucking unable to face the world, do us all a favour, and kill yourself. Lick a whore's ass, shoot yourself in the groin (in case some emo chick wants to fuck your rigor mortified dick, thus producing more fucked up emos), slit your arm off... anything. As the fucking Nike ads used to say, "JUST MOTHERFUCKING DO IT!" Damn you fuckers are stupid.

The article goes on to say, As it is, some emo teens have penned poems about suicide and death and slashing their wrists to 'ease their pain''.

Now folks, I am not talking about clinical depression and its related symptoms. There are people I know who suffer this shit and it's not funny. But what the fuck does some insect-brained, Pepsi swilling, spawn of a Volvo-driving empty fucking suit have to be fucking depressed about, huh? In fact the article specifically says, When pressed, they admitted there were no issues that were really depressing. Right.

The fuck is wrong with us? Why on earth should we entertain these fucktards who give people with real problems a bad name? What kind of a fucking parent would let their kid do something like this?

Her 16-year-old daughter wears under-sized, worn-out tees over tight black jeans. On weekends, the Secondary 4 girl also wears two lip rings and six earrings on one ear alone.

Mrs Lim recently discovered that her daughter cuts her wrists with a razor. She is trying to get her to seek help.


Am I the only one who sees the solution to this shit? Your fucking kids are spoilt because you're to fucked up to raise them. You need help, not them. Whatever the fuck happened just telling them no? Sheesh... if you can't control them at 14, is it really surprising if they end up face down in the fucking pavement of Stamford hotel at 18?

WHY TEEN CUTS HIMSELF
'It's a form of expression, just like the poems I write. I will go mad if I can't, don't have these forms of release.'
AN 18-YEAR-OLD EMO TEEN

Oh mother of mercy! I don't know about others, but I'd rather be fucking plain batshit crazy and alive, than sane and dead. Waht the fuck is "other forms of release" anyway? Whatever happened to just fucking reading a book or even day dreaming? But then again, if their poetry is an expression of what they really are, I hereby declare a fatwa against these mental midgets, for crimes against literature. Let's all hunt emos for sport.

I am Hades, the one true messenger of Mike, and I have spoken.

Mike Commemorates the Evil Atheist

Folks,

For my 100th post, as a reward for all you fans out there who read this shit, (yes, all three of you), I have let Mike take over this entry, so speak through me Mike!

Good day to you people, this is Mike. You know me as Jesus, Allah, Krishna, Ahura Mazda, or any multitude of names, but I would rather be called something simple, like "Mike" or anything, really. I like to keep informal house.

Anyway, I have appeared often on this site, and as a personal favour for my favour to my friend and prophet, Hades, I have come again to give you a distilled synopsis of my wisdom, stuff that even the smelliest lowlife amongst you can understand. I also want to get a couple of things off my divine chest (not this), and one them is this: I don't exist. No really, I don't. You're asking then, "how the fuck is he able to write an entry on the Evil Atheist website?", ah that is the glory of Mike. I leave it to you to figure it out.

Secondly, I don't answer prayers. There was a time when I gave a shit but nowadays there are six fucking billion of you asking me everything from being blown by Janet Jacme to keeping it hard till you stick it in some airheaded cunt I couldn't give two shits about. You really think I want to hear that shit? I have feelings too you know and I don't need to know how long you want it to be or how long you want it to last, and I am referring to YOU, Mr. Lee Hsien Loong! I am aghast you're even thinking of getting it on with that man-woman of yours you call a wife! Christ, she'd make a dildo go limp. Keep your fucking sordid fantasies to yourselves.

In fact now I wish you people answer a prayer of mine, STOP FUCKING BREEDING! I am already having my hands full steering a planet away from the fucking apocalypse here, and your fucking little bundles of joy are not making any easier for me, you know. You fucking Catholics better get on with the fucking programme, and get your asses out of the fucking middle ages. Contraception works you fuckers, because I invented it. Yes, I Mike in all my infinite wisdom invented a tool so simple, yet so effective, an idiot could use it; a condom. It is not a fucking sin to put a bit of rubber on your dick, and anyone who tells you otherwise, is a fucking fool.

Speaking of sin, there isn't such a thing. Nope. No such thing as sin. Believe me, if I came up with such a concept, the biggest "sin" would be stupidity, and I would have just pack the whole lot of you into fucking Hell. But no, I love you motherfuckers, even those mouthbreathers amongst you who pray over a sick kid instead of taking her to a fucking doctor, so there is no "sin", there is no "heaven" nor is there "hell", but I do have some plans for some of you fucks when you pop your clogs. I am looking at you, priests who fuck around with altar boys.

I want to leave you all with a final message that I passed down to an earlier prophet, George Carlin. I even had JESUS fucking deliver it to him and you all still didn't get it, so here I go again. Do NOT give money to your churches. If anything, they must be giving money to you for showing up for that kind of personal abuse.

I am Mike, and I have spoken. Glory be to the name of Mike.

Would you take anger management lessons from the Evil Atheist?

Folks,

I am hereby announcing my decision to go into the self help business. Specifically, the Evil Atheist wants to conduct seminars on anger management, depression, and solving life issues. Seriously. I mean so many of the visitors to the Evil Atheist's site claim that he is so angry, so certainly I am fully qualified to do this, no? No? Then explain this to me, fuckers...

Rocker Courtney Love has sparked concern about Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie's plans to work as camp counsellors for children in a TV series, after claiming drugs were readily available at Hilton's recent birthday party.

Who the FUCK would send their kids to a camp run by Paris fucking Hilton?! What possibly could be taught in that camp that kids need to know?! Fuck, when a druggie slut like Courtney LOVE can call you out for stashing drugs, you have no business being around little kids in the first place. Imagine what it would be like spending a day with the Queen Bimbo as she tries to figure out which end of a matchstick is a functional one, or trying to decipher the myriad workings of a fucking camp stove and an electric oven.

The fact that the fucking Foundation for Jewish Camping actually hired these cumbubbles goes to show, religion can really fuck your head up. What the fuck do these two cunts have in common with fucking Judaism?! You know what? I am hoping some of these kids turn out fucked up. If a parent is too fucking dumb to know whom they're sending their kids camping to, they deserve to be murdered in their sleep by those very same fucking kids. Fuck them.


So therefore, the Evil Atheist shall now offer counselling and therapy sessions, a revolutionary new approach to solving all your life's problems within one hour. That's it, one hour. Problems in life? Cannot get along with your pet rottweiler? Your wife ran away with a paraplegic midget? Got your dick caught in the zipper when in bed with that hot dish you've been eyeing since 10th grade? Put your worries behind you, and allow the Evil Atheist to help. He truly cares for you and wants the best for you and your family.

Treatment shall constitute you bitching about your pathetic life for 59 minutes, and me telling you to "Shut the fuck up" in the last. Beats spending a fortune at some overhyped shrink nodding off to sleep at a hundred bucks an hour and making you come back again and again so you can feel worse about youself, doesn't it? No matter what your problem is, you can rant and rave at me, and at the end I shall give you my patented advice that will help you get on with life and pull you up by your socks. Bring your kids along as well, and they will learn much more from the Evil Atheist in one hour than from a night with Paris. Unless you are trying to turn her into a whore, in which case you might want to hide Paris's camera. You're welcome and thank you Denis Leary, you worthless bag of shit.

Consultation fee negotiable, so come on down to the Evil Atheist Happy Fun Centre and try out his patented "Shut The Fuck Up" approach to solving your life issues.

You people are sick fucks

Folks,

All those hundreds of you who suddenly started reading my blog looking for 'Shaila Nair', I want you to go away. No, I want you all to die, preferably in an amusing fashion. You fucking deserve to have your cocks beaten into your fucking bodies with sledge-hammers. You are an affront to all that is good and masculine. Go and kill yourself.

Just TWO WORDS, Two fucking words about some minister's daughter-in-law in fucking Malaysia drove HUNDREDS of sexually inadequate, emotionally retarded, drooling, sub-human dimwits to this site, in search of:

a> Her sex video
b> Her fucking suicide
c> Both

You know who you are, you bunch of sick whackjobs. You fucks are probably still sitting out there, leering, dick in hand, bottle of lube by the mouse hoping to see a digitised pussy-shot of this bimbotic airhead of a cunt who is obviously too stupid to be in the same fucking room as a loaded dick. Stop wasting my oxygen, you bunch of ignorant motherfuckers. I hope you all lose your left testicles to mouse-electrocution. What on earth made you think you find that fucking video on a site named "EVIL ATHEIST"? That's EVIL fucking ATHEIST motherfucker, not "UGLY OLD BITCH FUCKING". Learn to fucking be a bit more discerning, will ya?!

Let me dissect the damage here. My site attracts an average of 20-40 visitors a day, and ever since the entry I posted on February 5th, it shot up to hundreds a day, 95% of whom search for the SAME TWO FUCKING WORDS. Please, do me and the genepool a favour, and go kill yourself. If you are that fucking desperate for action that you are willing to come to a site named "EVIL ATHEIST" for your tit porn needs, you are a stain on the fabric of humanity, and testicular cancer is too good for you people. Go get a fucking life, for crying out loud, instead of trying to jack off to horribly produced handphone-porn, trying to decipher which of the fucking pixels represent poontang.

The last thing The Evil Atheist needs is scores of dumb jackoffs, too stupid to even find their fly buttons, accidentally stumbling into his site. Let me not be the one to tell you what porn you can and cannot watch, so please do not come to my site to try and acquire kilobyte videos of horrible fucking. Go to fucking bangbros or something and buy their shit and jack off to college fuckfest or some such shit. Leave the Evil Atheist free to rant by himself without interference from you fuckblintzes. Fuck, I have a regular fan-base to take care of, and the last thing I need to worry about is the kind of dickwad who can barely spell 'pron' rummaging through my site like a pig looking for truffles.

So seriously cut your head off, lick a whore's ass, anything. Just go and die.

Fat, ugly, ex-stripper dies. Do you give a fuck?

The headlines on CNN blared: Reality TV star Anna Nicole Smith dies at 39! Being incapacitated with a bad case of tonsilitis I read on.

Finally. The gold-digging skank-bitch kicked the bucket, thus cutting short what promised to be a career filled with meaningless media appearances, eating enough food to feed half of Somalia for a week in one sitting, bitching about how the world is so fucked up to her because she sees a need to devour an entire refrigerator for lunch. Fuck Anna Nicole Smith. Fuck her up the ass with a broken tree trunk.

What? Doesn't the fact that LARRY FUCKING KING said "she was a woman with some class" ring alarm bells in the head? Way to boost that fucking credibility of yours, Larry you senile fuck. The only class that skank had in her was the entire class of '95 from the University of Southern California. While millions died of genocide in fucking Darfur, Sudan, the media attention was focussed on this hillbilly, two-volt-brained, gold-digging skank of a 'celebrity' whose greatest contribution to humanity was fucking a billionaire tycoon to death and then killing herself in an entirely humourous way. The very fact that now ten different men are claiming they fathered her child shows that this was a cunt who would fuck a kitchen sink if it had an extra long tap. Why does the media focus on this bitch? How fucking hypocritical are we that we ignore a fucking genocide in one part of the world and yet spend inordinate amounts of time pondering over a rich, stupid cunt whose only claim to fame has been the removal from the genepool of a creature that looked like something out of Steven Spielberg's alien movies.

It really shows where our priorities lie. Fuck CNN. And come to think of it, Fuck you too.