Folks,

Most of us, as normal people would have been told time and again, that God is a Good God. We might, at some point in our lives, have sung praises and songs in praise of this good god. But how good is he?

While I would definitely want to point to Deuteronomy and Leviticus to show that the god of the Bible is far from being called good, I would choose to take a different approach, because this has been mentioned many times by many people before me and the last thing I want to do is reinvent wheels.

I would like to look at some of the lesser known characteristics of the god of the Bible, to show that even IF we could somehow rationalize those troublesome chapters which has god demanding brutal slaughters of innocents (the book of Joshua), blood sacrifices of animals (Leviticus), sex with relatives (Genesis) etc., the god is still not a good god, at least in my view.

For this I choose the Ten Commandments.

Most people think the Ten Commandments are pretty good moral standards. It seems like telling a person not to kill, not to steal, not to covet are good things to say. But there is one big problem with the Ten Commandments.

They are COMMANDMENTS.

They are not based on love for one another, love even for god. They do not show god as a loving one, but as a petty and brutal tyrant. They are crude, imperious orders made by a deity who seems to be a petty, insecure little teen rather than an omnipresent, omniscient deity. Let’s analyse them one by one, shall we?

Commandment 1:

Thou shalt have no other gods before me

This one is self evident. No other god but biblegod. But there is a slight flaw here. If biblegod is the only god, how can there be other gods which we might think of having “before him”?

Also, why should this be an order? If biblegod were to show he is the only god in the universe, why would we even think of having any other “god before him”?

Commandment 2:

Thou shalt not make unto thee a graven image

Well basically this means you shall not put god in an image. This seems again kind of strange, considering biblegod in Deuteronomy has always made a big deal about what his temple should look like, what rituals must be practiced to please him etc. An image is not always a clay or stone figurine. Any representation of X is an image of X. Does that mean that the bible should be burnt? The bible tries to show god in certain forms, it undeniably gives us a picture of what he is like (good, benevolent, with arms, legs, even bowels and whathaveyou).

What’s wrong with graven images anyway? Don’t we have sculptures and portraits of great leaders? I have a Jimi Hendrix poster in my room. Does that mean I worship Hendrix? Why make such a minor issue a “Commandment”? It has a big threat associated with it. God apparently is a “jealous god”, who will come after not only you, but your children and grandchildren as well. But of course, if you kiss his butt thousand generations will be basking in his “love”. Jesus, what a swell guy. Note however, he says a “THOUSAND generations”. That is a heck of a long time. Has he kept his promise? Besides, note that god apparently devotes line after line explaining these two commandments, but later just mentions the rest “in passing”. Why make such minor commandments a big issue if it wasn't insecurity and fear? Seems like God is afraid of his own flock and of other Gods cutting in on his action.

What about all those images of Jesus in churches and websites?

Commandment 3:

Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD your god in vain

Basically, you should not misuse his name. I suppose saying, “In the name of Jesus may you be healed” is a misuse as well. What about words like "Oh my God!" or "you godawful piece of shit!"? Certainly, anyone who has used them is destined for the fires of hell, isn't he not?

Commandment 4:

Remember the Sabbath day. Keep it holy

This is plain bull. Just because god claims he was tired so he rested on Saturday doesn’t mean I ought to. Imagine if all the emergency staff of hospitals and police took Saturday as off. What’s the rationale behind this commandment? Heck why even make this a “Commandment”?

The first four commandments are therefore nonsensical.

Commandment 5:

Honour thy father and mother

Well this seems pretty okay. I mean, who would ever think this is wrong? But there is again a slight problem. It has no qualifiers. If X was born to a father who abuses drugs, gets drunk, beats X every day, and finally runs away leaving X on the street, why the hell should X honour him? If Y's mother is a prostitute and she has no idea who her father is, Y lives the life of a social reject, why should Y still honour her mother? What about fathers who sexually abuse their offspring? Should they be honoured as well?

Commandment 6:

Thou shalt not kill

This one again is one of those feel good commandments. But wouldn’t that mean god breaks his own commandments? Well okay so he is above the law and can do what he likes, fine. Does that mean if someone was out to kill me, I cannot kill the guy before he kills me? OR let’s take a better example.

I have a gun. This guy comes up to this bus full of innocent kids and pulls out a gun. If I kill this guy, I would be considered by most people a good guy. But according to biblegod, I killed.. Makes sense?

Doesn’t that mean, when the Israelites went out on a butchery spree under Joshua, they were violating god’s commandments, under his own order? God never said, Thou shalt not kill except when directed by me (thank goodness or we would be facing a never ending stream of self proclaimed martyrs carrying out god’s will). All he said is thou shalt not kill Fullstop. No ifs, no buts, no exceptions. It all seems very inconsistent.

Commandment 7:

Thou shalt not commit adultery

Well fair enough. But of course this depends on what adultery means. J.C. in the new testament said anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery. What the fuck! Total, pure, grade A bullshit. Who does it hurt that I look at a woman lustfully? I feel good, the woman doesn’t even know.. No one in the street cares, (as long as I don’t gawk) so what’s the big deal? Why is there such a taboo on sex?

Commandment 8:

Thou shalt not steal

No qualifiers again. Gosh biblegod loves making sweeping statements doesn’t he? Suppose a hungry urchin stole a packet of food from a supermarket, would you feel sorry for the kid or would you kick him? If someone kicks him, wouldn’t you think that guy is an asshole?

Commandment 9:

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour

This one makes some sense, but what does it refer to? Lying? Giving false testimony in court? Betrayal? The one commandment that made some sense ends up being so vague as to lose any meaning it could have had.

Commandment 10:

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

DAMN! A neighbour’s wife is his property? It’s his THING? Somemore she is compared to his ass, ox and put on the same standing. Ditto for his servants! Gosh, fuck equal rights, let’s enforce slavery all over again!

This one is the worst of them all. Abhorrent in its blatant sexism and racism. Apart from that, what’s wrong with coveting it? Doesn’t a small amount of envy spur us to greater achievements?

How come there is no hint of that ever lasting love of god in these commandments? Why isn't there an advice to do good to the world? Why isn't there anything on abolishing slavery? There is always a hint of suppression, of anger, hatred and egomania. Whatever happened to the loving god that fundies love to tout?

Besides, real issues are not even dealt with here. How about a commandment that tells us to respect other people (Love thy neighbour..). How come this doesn’t figure in the 10? How about a commandment that tells us not to treat nature as an abuseable slave?

Here are my 10 Commandments:
Commandment 1: Do anything you like as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.
Commandment 2: Anything you like you may do, as long as no one else is affected adversely.
Commandment 3: As long as no one else is affected adversely, you may do as you please.
Commandment 4: When you do anything, make sure no one is affected badly by it.
Commandment 5: As long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, anything you do is fine.
Commandment 6: Whatever you do, make sure it doesn't affect anyone in a negative way.
Commandment 7: You are free to do what you want, as long as it doesn't affect anyone else.
Commandment 8: Do what you want, anything as long as no one else has cause for complaint because of what you do or did.
Commandment 9: Anything you think you should do, think of this first. Does it affect someone else adversely? If it does, try not to do it.
Commandment 10: Refer to the first 9.

There you go folks. Risking belabouring the point eleven bloody times, do what you want as long as you don't affect anyone else badly. There ya go. One commandment.

Good grief.. (Shitblog AWARDS 2006 Update)

Folks,

Every now and then you come across someone with barely enough brains to fill a midget's thimble and an overinflated sense of self worth that you have to wonder if two consenting adults actually had sex to produce the abovementioned offspring, or whether it was a bad accident involving alcohol, sheep and torn rubber. Ever since I posted the call for blog entries deserving the unique title "SHITBLOG AWARDS 2006" I have received numerous replies, each with a blog of such enormous levels of sucktitude that it would make you realise that Armageddon is at hand, the Devil rules the world, that the end of the world is near, or at least you would start to wish it was.

Now nominations are still open (results to be released on New Year Day 2006) so I won't give away any secrets. I'll just post a few random entries below from some of the contenders for this great prize.

This one would do well in a category for those who think that the world gives a shit about their boring lives, when I for one would rather see them under the wheels of a large, fast moving automobile.

i hate drippy nose.

been having a terribly drippy nose the whole day. it's startin to freak me out. like, honestly, do i have so much runny mucus in me!?

ok that gross thing aside.
im a tad peeved that i cant run with cheryl or meet her cos of my DRIPPY NOSE.

These are the kind that post every instant messenger conversation they have with every known congenital idiot they call their "friend", and the one thing they all share in common is the solitary brain cell that tells them not to shit themselves and eat at the same time. This is the kind that takes every personality test ever devised by a remnant of a failed lobotomy in order to put some semblance of meaning to their vacuous things they call lives.

Another potential awardee for "Person you wouldn't want your daughter to breed with":

Well i am known as prem.. as u see my heading...i am a bastard with an attitude...neva was 1...now am 1..u got a prob with that? hmmm sorry don give two shits about it...i was born on the unfaithful day 23 of May...biggest mistake my parents did...wat i like? u gotta find that out urself...i am doing my Dip in IT which i have not be attending properly...and i am now a Tattooist...so thats it...

And on this site there were multiple squeals by (possibly) inbred chicks to "update" his blog with more inanities about how he got attacked by cockroaches (we're not dealing with a physics major here, folks), how his friend (on the way to some stupid Indian club) got her phone snatched, how his equally brain-dead sister lives... Who the hell reads this stuff? Apparently there are, because looking at his message board I found at least three different "requests" to update his blog. Holy shit.

From this genius' site I couldn't help but click on one of his links and let me post you the third sample. People, we are fucked if this is what we glorify.

It is time that I did some soul Searching after a long time...Somehow or rather my conscience was killing me and had been asking me Questions like....".."

"How come you became so evil?"
"How did your heart become stone?"
"What made you change into someone you are now?"
"What happened to you?"
"Where is your social awareness?"
"Where had your heart of helping others gone to?"

Holy shit. And I thought this kind of stuff usually are found in teenage angst diaries just before the wrists are slit. This woman is studying in one of Singapore's local universities. If that does not make your skin crawl, I don't know what does.

However I will let you all in on one award nominee that is certain to win SOMETHING:

dey call me shamini.m old enuff to enter da koolest club in town.i lub ma frenz to bitz. n this is ma personal bloggiez. so wadeva i write here is based on ma personal perspectives. whetha its stewpid .. smart .. flatterin .. insultin ..rite or wrong.. those r ma ways of seeing da world.

Was that english?! Below is a snippet of a conversation with a boyfriend who would find rather gainful employment making little rocks out of big ones.. with his head.

so the first question.

Me: baby if i asked u to describe me in one sentence. what wld it be?
Him: one sentence ah...
Me: ya..
Him: contradictive ..but someone who has a heart of gold..

OOH how fucking profound. That last line sounded like something straight out of a padded cell.

Wait, there is more.

the third question.
Me: in one paragraph?
Him: ... (its gettin into him. LOl.)
Me: 4 sentences only la *vulgar word censored*
Him: baby..thought sometimes..it can be hard understanding u..cos u tend to come up with things at da oddest of times..but i cant deny how much ..diff u hve made to my life..im living a rebirth babygal..n its thanks to u..ur 20 yrs old.but a child nonetheless..u care ..love ..n pamper me like im ur child..though u bite,pinch n violate me .sigh..ur my chella kutty..baby sayang..hot sexy ass..princess ..

I hope you weren't eating anything. I have seen romantic lines, and mushy ones but what the hell that was apart from purest of pure, vile bullshit?! From a guy who is more than 20 years old at the last count so even the annoying teenager excuse is gone. Oh humanity, I weep for thee, if this is your best and brightest! This guy is so bitchslapped that he doesn't even know how to string a coherent sentence, I suppose. Another pussywhipped, stupid pseudo-sensitive male that somehow escaped a combine harvester, porking a whining, bitch-cunt of a female with a half volt brain.

You know what? I bet they would go on and breed to produce more waterheaded babies that would end up fucking each other before they're 12 to produce more inbred spawn to screw the world over a few times more. This is just what we need. Dumb people meeting more dumb people and mating with them.

You know folks, what is the scariest feature of these entries? These are people who are at least in their 20's! They're not angst filled teens nor are they annoying prepubescents but actually well into adulthood and maturity. These are people whom we trust motorised vehicles, alcohol and pornography to. We truly are fucked.

Nominations are still open. Send them to Shitblogawards@yahoo.com or just leave a comment on this site.

Another great one bites the dust.

Folks,

Richard Pryor died two days ago of heart failure. He, apart from George Carlin, remained the one last bastion of the great comic hall tradition that was popularized by Lenny Bruce and Woody Allen, and carried forth by the likes of Bill Hicks and Sam Kinison. Now it's just Carlin and a bunch of wannabe idiots who can't go beyond the fact that airline food is bad and there are too many fucking 7-11's in the world.

He was the master of the race card, and not only that he could turn ANYTHING including a nasty cocaine habit, his numerous convictions, his friends, thieves, racism, even his Multiple Sclerosis, into something funny. He was a trailblazer for black standup comedians and set for them a benchmark that they try to to hit but usually fail miserably. After hearing Pryor, one would find that Eddy Murphy, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle etc. are all just taking shit off him and packaging it differently (giving him credit of course). His takes on everything from prostitution and the mafia were hilarious beyond belief.

The world will miss him.

Why did Pryor have to die when Russell Peters still walks this earth I fail to see.
I bet you, complete no-talents like Peters will fucking live to be 95 while great men like Pryor and Hicks die around us.