Random Acts of Directed Anger Issue 2 - Fuck Emos

Folks,

I know I am flogging a dead horse with this one. I know that I have mentioned that emos have got to go, preferably in a humourous fashion and that I consider them to be a shitstain on the underwear of humanity. We don't need them, and the sooner they die, the better the world will be.

I know I had made that abundantly clear.

But for some reason, like a sore tooth that you can't quit touching (TM Bill Hicks), I have to revisit this topic, especially in light of this article in the Straitjacket Times about emos.

Let me dissect the pieces, if I may. The article says, and I quote:

But the defining trademark for emo kids has to be the heavily lined eyes and long fringed hair which covers half their face.

The point of that, said emo teen Mervyn Lee, 17, a polytechnic student, is because 'we are tortured souls unable to face the world'.

Oh really, you fucking piece-of-cock, dogfucker? You are a tortured soul in what way? Dad refused to get you that fucking Chemical Romance CD you've been pestering him for the past two hours? Your fucking eyeliner ran out? Got your cock caught in the zipper of your fucking emo jeans? Fuck you, you piece of shit. Tortured soul? Bet your ass your soul will be tortured if I had my way. Not only your soul but also your fucking microcephalic skull. You know what? IF you're fucking unable to face the world, do us all a favour, and kill yourself. Lick a whore's ass, shoot yourself in the groin (in case some emo chick wants to fuck your rigor mortified dick, thus producing more fucked up emos), slit your arm off... anything. As the fucking Nike ads used to say, "JUST MOTHERFUCKING DO IT!" Damn you fuckers are stupid.

The article goes on to say, As it is, some emo teens have penned poems about suicide and death and slashing their wrists to 'ease their pain''.

Now folks, I am not talking about clinical depression and its related symptoms. There are people I know who suffer this shit and it's not funny. But what the fuck does some insect-brained, Pepsi swilling, spawn of a Volvo-driving empty fucking suit have to be fucking depressed about, huh? In fact the article specifically says, When pressed, they admitted there were no issues that were really depressing. Right.

The fuck is wrong with us? Why on earth should we entertain these fucktards who give people with real problems a bad name? What kind of a fucking parent would let their kid do something like this?

Her 16-year-old daughter wears under-sized, worn-out tees over tight black jeans. On weekends, the Secondary 4 girl also wears two lip rings and six earrings on one ear alone.

Mrs Lim recently discovered that her daughter cuts her wrists with a razor. She is trying to get her to seek help.


Am I the only one who sees the solution to this shit? Your fucking kids are spoilt because you're to fucked up to raise them. You need help, not them. Whatever the fuck happened just telling them no? Sheesh... if you can't control them at 14, is it really surprising if they end up face down in the fucking pavement of Stamford hotel at 18?

WHY TEEN CUTS HIMSELF
'It's a form of expression, just like the poems I write. I will go mad if I can't, don't have these forms of release.'
AN 18-YEAR-OLD EMO TEEN

Oh mother of mercy! I don't know about others, but I'd rather be fucking plain batshit crazy and alive, than sane and dead. Waht the fuck is "other forms of release" anyway? Whatever happened to just fucking reading a book or even day dreaming? But then again, if their poetry is an expression of what they really are, I hereby declare a fatwa against these mental midgets, for crimes against literature. Let's all hunt emos for sport.

I am Hades, the one true messenger of Mike, and I have spoken.

Mike Commemorates the Evil Atheist

Folks,

For my 100th post, as a reward for all you fans out there who read this shit, (yes, all three of you), I have let Mike take over this entry, so speak through me Mike!

Good day to you people, this is Mike. You know me as Jesus, Allah, Krishna, Ahura Mazda, or any multitude of names, but I would rather be called something simple, like "Mike" or anything, really. I like to keep informal house.

Anyway, I have appeared often on this site, and as a personal favour for my favour to my friend and prophet, Hades, I have come again to give you a distilled synopsis of my wisdom, stuff that even the smelliest lowlife amongst you can understand. I also want to get a couple of things off my divine chest (not this), and one them is this: I don't exist. No really, I don't. You're asking then, "how the fuck is he able to write an entry on the Evil Atheist website?", ah that is the glory of Mike. I leave it to you to figure it out.

Secondly, I don't answer prayers. There was a time when I gave a shit but nowadays there are six fucking billion of you asking me everything from being blown by Janet Jacme to keeping it hard till you stick it in some airheaded cunt I couldn't give two shits about. You really think I want to hear that shit? I have feelings too you know and I don't need to know how long you want it to be or how long you want it to last, and I am referring to YOU, Mr. Lee Hsien Loong! I am aghast you're even thinking of getting it on with that man-woman of yours you call a wife! Christ, she'd make a dildo go limp. Keep your fucking sordid fantasies to yourselves.

In fact now I wish you people answer a prayer of mine, STOP FUCKING BREEDING! I am already having my hands full steering a planet away from the fucking apocalypse here, and your fucking little bundles of joy are not making any easier for me, you know. You fucking Catholics better get on with the fucking programme, and get your asses out of the fucking middle ages. Contraception works you fuckers, because I invented it. Yes, I Mike in all my infinite wisdom invented a tool so simple, yet so effective, an idiot could use it; a condom. It is not a fucking sin to put a bit of rubber on your dick, and anyone who tells you otherwise, is a fucking fool.

Speaking of sin, there isn't such a thing. Nope. No such thing as sin. Believe me, if I came up with such a concept, the biggest "sin" would be stupidity, and I would have just pack the whole lot of you into fucking Hell. But no, I love you motherfuckers, even those mouthbreathers amongst you who pray over a sick kid instead of taking her to a fucking doctor, so there is no "sin", there is no "heaven" nor is there "hell", but I do have some plans for some of you fucks when you pop your clogs. I am looking at you, priests who fuck around with altar boys.

I want to leave you all with a final message that I passed down to an earlier prophet, George Carlin. I even had JESUS fucking deliver it to him and you all still didn't get it, so here I go again. Do NOT give money to your churches. If anything, they must be giving money to you for showing up for that kind of personal abuse.

I am Mike, and I have spoken. Glory be to the name of Mike.

Would you take anger management lessons from the Evil Atheist?

Folks,

I am hereby announcing my decision to go into the self help business. Specifically, the Evil Atheist wants to conduct seminars on anger management, depression, and solving life issues. Seriously. I mean so many of the visitors to the Evil Atheist's site claim that he is so angry, so certainly I am fully qualified to do this, no? No? Then explain this to me, fuckers...

Rocker Courtney Love has sparked concern about Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie's plans to work as camp counsellors for children in a TV series, after claiming drugs were readily available at Hilton's recent birthday party.

Who the FUCK would send their kids to a camp run by Paris fucking Hilton?! What possibly could be taught in that camp that kids need to know?! Fuck, when a druggie slut like Courtney LOVE can call you out for stashing drugs, you have no business being around little kids in the first place. Imagine what it would be like spending a day with the Queen Bimbo as she tries to figure out which end of a matchstick is a functional one, or trying to decipher the myriad workings of a fucking camp stove and an electric oven.

The fact that the fucking Foundation for Jewish Camping actually hired these cumbubbles goes to show, religion can really fuck your head up. What the fuck do these two cunts have in common with fucking Judaism?! You know what? I am hoping some of these kids turn out fucked up. If a parent is too fucking dumb to know whom they're sending their kids camping to, they deserve to be murdered in their sleep by those very same fucking kids. Fuck them.


So therefore, the Evil Atheist shall now offer counselling and therapy sessions, a revolutionary new approach to solving all your life's problems within one hour. That's it, one hour. Problems in life? Cannot get along with your pet rottweiler? Your wife ran away with a paraplegic midget? Got your dick caught in the zipper when in bed with that hot dish you've been eyeing since 10th grade? Put your worries behind you, and allow the Evil Atheist to help. He truly cares for you and wants the best for you and your family.

Treatment shall constitute you bitching about your pathetic life for 59 minutes, and me telling you to "Shut the fuck up" in the last. Beats spending a fortune at some overhyped shrink nodding off to sleep at a hundred bucks an hour and making you come back again and again so you can feel worse about youself, doesn't it? No matter what your problem is, you can rant and rave at me, and at the end I shall give you my patented advice that will help you get on with life and pull you up by your socks. Bring your kids along as well, and they will learn much more from the Evil Atheist in one hour than from a night with Paris. Unless you are trying to turn her into a whore, in which case you might want to hide Paris's camera. You're welcome and thank you Denis Leary, you worthless bag of shit.

Consultation fee negotiable, so come on down to the Evil Atheist Happy Fun Centre and try out his patented "Shut The Fuck Up" approach to solving your life issues.